UN Confirms Thor’s Hammer Is “Clearly Visible” in New Workout Reel
In what officials are calling “an unprecedented display of unregulated weaponry,” actor Chris Hemsworth has unintentionally sparked an international security scare after a recent workout photo surfaced showing the actor in dangerously short shorts—and an even more dangerous bulge.
The image, originally posted on Hemsworth’s Instagram as part of his fitness brand promotion, has since caused power outages, widespread thirst, and one minor diplomatic crisis.
Credit: Instagram @ChrisHemsworth
“He’s obviously armed,” said UN Weapons Inspector Dana Liu, who confirmed the photo had to be reviewed by a joint task force. “And that’s not a concealed carry situation. That’s a... publicly broadcast payload.”
While international leaders debated whether the situation required sanctions or a simple cold shower, romance readers were less concerned.
“I downloaded five MC romance books just to cope,” said Rhonda B., a midwestern smut enthusiast and veteran of the Wattpad Wars of 2017. “If I die by thirst, let it be in his DMs.”
Meanwhile, officials in Sweden issued a public statement demanding that “any man wielding that kind of power must be registered with international authorities—preferably shirtless.”
Hemsworth’s shorts quickly became the muse of an entire generation of romance authors.
“Chapter 3 wrote itself,” said bestselling MC romance author Hope Stone, whose latest book now features a hero with “the strength of a god and the thighs of a demigod who squats for vengeance.”
Sales of romance novels spiked 300% within 24 hours of the Instagram Reel, with reports of Kindles overheating and suspicious amounts of evaporated bathwater being investigated.
“I zoomed in for research,” said Dr. Linda Connors, a body language expert and part-time romance editor. “There’s confidence… there’s cockiness… and then there’s whatever’s happening in those shorts.”
When asked for comment, Hemsworth simply smiled, sipped water from a suspiciously phallic reusable bottle, and flexed.
At press time, the International Court of Justice was reviewing the photo as evidence of a biological weapon. Meanwhile, millions of romance readers have vowed to support peace, one paragraph at a time.
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