HOUSTON, TX — In a bold move that experts are calling “desperate but strangely effective,” local husband Jake Morgan has launched an OnlyFans account to help fund his wife’s insatiable appetite for steamy romance novels.
“I thought she was kidding at first,” said Jake, 37, referring to his wife’s suggestion that he contribute more to the household’s “smut fund.” “But then I checked our bank account and saw she bought fourteen MC romance books last week. Fourteen.”
Faced with dwindling finances and increasingly specific book-boyfriend expectations, Jake decided to take matters—and apparently, body oil—into his own hands.
“I figured, if she's going to spend money on fictional tattooed alpha males who growl things like ‘you’re mine,’ I may as well start growling too. For profit.”
Jake’s OnlyFans content reportedly includes tasteful black-and-white shots of him pretending to fix his motorcycle shirtless, aggressively folding laundry, and reading excerpts from his wife’s favorite spicy scenes—badly.
“I call it ‘Book Daddy Energy,’” Jake explained. “Some people sell feet pics. I sell fantasies about taking the kids for the weekend so she can binge a seven-book mafia series uninterrupted.”
His wife, Lindsay, is fully supportive.
“He's not exactly Hawk from Guardians of Mayhem,” she said, scrolling through a newly downloaded smut bundle, “but he’s got potential. Plus, his video of slow-mo dishwashing just hit 6,000 likes. I’m so proud.”
Experts predict a growing trend in spouse-sponsored smut support systems, citing recent spikes in Google searches for “how to become book boyfriend adjacent” and “can men get tattoos that say 'her ride or die' without joining a gang.”
At press time, Jake was filming content for a new subscriber tier called “Stepbro Smolders Saturdays,” featuring him in a leather vest reading slow-burn fanfic while slow-cooking brisket.
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