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Dayton, OH—After getting slapped with an FTC lawsuit for deceptive marketing and false income claims, self-proclaimed entrepreneurial genius Anish P. has announced that he’s turning over a new leaf.
“I’ve seen the light,” he said in a dramatic Instagram Live stream, holding a leather-bound journal titled ‘Personal Growth.’
“I’m no longer in the business of selling success. I’m now in the business of helping others avoid getting sued for selling success.”
That’s right. Just weeks after the FTC accused him of misleading thousands of people into financial ruin, Anish has rebranded—this time as a guru who teaches other gurus how to grift without getting caught.
And it all starts with his new book: "How To Scam Legally: The Bulletproof Guide to FTC-Proofing Your 7-Figure Business."
From Fraud to ‘Fraud Prevention Expert’
“I’ve learned a lot,” Anish said, standing in front of a whiteboard filled with buzzwords like ‘Compliance Funnel’ and ‘Recession-Proof Wealth.’
“My mistake wasn’t promising people they’d get rich. My mistake was not wording it correctly.”
Now, he’s selling his hard-earned legal wisdom in a three-part business system, which he swears is not another scam:
- Step 1: Buy the book – For just $9.99, entrepreneurs will learn exactly how to make outrageous claims without crossing that pesky legal line.
- Step 2: Upgrade to the SAAS platform – For only $997/month, his new FTC Compliance AI™ tool will generate vaguely legal disclaimers for sales pages in less than 30 seconds.
- Step 3: Join the mastermind – For a limited time, Anish is offering a $25,000 coaching program, where he’ll personally teach students how to rebrand their failing businesses before the government notices.
“This isn’t a scam. It’s a pivot.”
His Loyal Followers Are Eating It Up
Despite the lawsuit, Anish's most devoted followers are standing by him, claiming the FTC is just “jealous of his success” and “trying to silence an independent entrepreneur.”
“He’s not a scammer,” said Brad L., 29, who sells crypto coaching courses but refuses to explain what crypto actually is.
“He just figured out the system, and the system doesn’t like that.”
The Government Disagrees
Elkton, MD—The FTC, SEC, and IRS have all issued warnings about Anish's latest venture, claiming it’s just as fraudulent as his last one—only now with more disclaimers.
“Adding ‘results may vary’ in small print does not make a scam legal,” said an FTC spokesperson, rubbing their temples.
Meanwhile, Anish remains unbothered, announcing that he’s "manifesting a positive outcome" for the lawsuit and launching a new $10,000 coaching program called Sued & Bulletproof™.
“People always say ‘If you can’t do, teach.’” Anish smirked. “I say, if you get sued for doing, teach other people how to avoid getting sued for doing.”
Final Thoughts: The Scam Never Ends
As of press time, Anish was pitching investors for a “litigation-proof” MLM and offering $49,997 VIP packages that include one Zoom call and two AI-generated apology statements.
“I’m in the business of solving problems,” Anish said, firing off an aggressive email campaign split-testing ten different subject lines.
And if that problem is government intervention, his solution is clear:
Turn it into a course and charge $5,000 for it.