Published: March 16, 2025
ENOLA, PA—Chaos erupted at Rusty’s Roadhouse Bar & Grill this weekend as a group of furious outlaw bikers gathered to protest the harmful, unrealistic standards set by MC romance novels.
“We’re real men,” said Roy ‘Beef’ Mitchell, president of the Iron Gut MC, while patting his notably large stomach.
“We’ve got aches, cholesterol issues, and a strong preference for recliners over revenge. But you wouldn’t know that from these books.”
To drive their point home, the disgruntled bikers held a public book burning charity event, where they collected donations for local beer funds while setting fire to dozens of romance novels featuring ripped, brooding anti-heroes with perfectly sculpted abs.
Biker Brotherhood Demands More “Realistic” MC Heroes
MC romance novels have long romanticized the outlaw biker lifestyle, portraying club presidents as mysterious, emotionally damaged men who are built like Greek gods and whisper things like “You’re mine” in gravelly voices.
But the Iron Gut MC argues that these books fail to represent the real experience of being in a club—which, according to them, involves:
✔ Fewer love triangles, more debates about which gas station has the cheapest beer.
✔ A lot less 'growling' and a lot more complaining about back pain.
✔ No one mysteriously disappearing to "settle a score"—just disappearing for two hours in Home Depot.
✔ More belly, less biceps.
“We’re out here reading about guys named ‘Hawk’ and ‘Axel’ who can fight ten dudes and still have the stamina to go another six rounds in the bedroom,” said club treasurer Marty ‘Big Tuna’ McDaniels, 52, shaking his head.
“I get winded tying my boots.”
Protest Grows Heated as Books (and Grudges) Burn
The event took a dramatic turn when one unidentified club member attempted to throw a Kindle preloaded with romance ebooks into the flames.
“It was symbolic,” he later explained.
Witnesses say he was tackled mid-air by a local romance reader who heroically rescued the Kindle, screaming “NOT THE BONUS EPILOGUES!” before vanishing into the crowd.
Despite the book-burning festivities, several bikers were spotted secretly flipping through some of the "banned" books.
“I was just checking to see how inaccurate it was,” insisted Dale ‘Spuds’ Williams, frantically bookmarking Chapter 12.
Romance Authors Respond to the Controversy
The backlash has prompted heated discussions within the romance community, with some authors acknowledging the lack of dad bod representation.
“I mean… they’re not wrong,” admitted bestselling MC romance author Hope Stone.
“When was the last time you read about a biker who stops mid-chase scene because his knees hurt? Or a grumpy outlaw who’s just really into meal prepping?”
However, others aren’t convinced that readers would embrace a more ‘realistic’ MC hero.
“No one’s picking up a romance novel hoping to read about a guy named Randy ‘Meatloaf’ Johnson who’s ‘pretty sure he left his vape in the club’s shared bathroom,’” said Tessa Monroe, author of His Ride, His Rules.
Final Thoughts: Can Bikers & Romance Readers Find Common Ground?
While tensions remain high, some hope for unity between the biker and book lover communities.
“I just want to read about big, scary, alpha bikers with rock-hard abs and a secret soft side for their woman,” said Jessica T., 33, who came to the event expecting a charity raffle but left with a renewed commitment to fictional men.
Meanwhile, club president Beef Mitchell remains committed to the cause.
“We’re not saying outlaw romance is bad,” he clarified. “We’re just saying it’d be nice if one of these heroines fell for a guy who’s a little softer around the middle and a little more interested in 25 cent wing nights.”
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Warning: May not contain dad bods...yet