A new peer-reviewed study out of the highly suspicious Institute of Smut Science and Binge Reading (ISSBR) has concluded that reading motorcycle club (MC) romance novels may, in fact, qualify as moderate cardiovascular exercise.
Researchers cited “spiking heart rates, breathless gasps, and occasional sweating” as strong indicators that turning the pages of a particularly steamy scene in an MC romance can mimic the effects of a 20-minute jog—or a slow-motion walk toward a leather-clad alpha who just called you "his."
"It’s basically HIIT,” explained lead researcher Dr. Vanessa Steel, adjusting her glasses and sipping from a mug that read ‘Property of Hawk.’
“You’re calm one second, then boom—his hand is on her throat, and your Fitbit thinks you’re in a spin class.”
The study tracked the heart rates of 500 self-identified romance readers while reading the Guardians of Mayhem MC series.
The results?
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94% experienced elevated heart rates in “scenes involving possessive biker behavior”
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76% forgot to hydrate
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42% had to “put the book down and pace the room”
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100% immediately opened the next book
One participant described the physical sensation as “half marathon, half horny breakdown.”
“It’s the only workout I’ll stick to,” said 33-year-old Olivia R., who claims her Apple Watch gave her a standing ovation after Chapter 12.
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Not everyone is worried about the potential health risks.
“Ever since she started reading MC romances, my wife’s been doing lunges around the bedroom and calling it ‘research,’” said one husband, still catching his breath. “I don’t know what cardio she’s doing, but I fully support it.”
Bestselling MC romance author Hope Stone, whose books were used in the study, responded with her signature smirk.
“I always knew my books would make hearts race. I just didn’t realize I was creating a public health phenomenon.”
Stone is now petitioning to have her MC romance collection added to fitness apps under the category “Cardio Smut.”