Published: March 18, 2025
VATICAN CITY—The Vatican press office released the first official photo of Pope Francis following his brief hospitalization last week, hoping to reassure the public of his improving health. However, rather than the expected image of the Pontiff deep in prayer or issuing a blessing, the photo has left millions of Catholics with more questions than answers.
In the now-viral image, Pope Francis appears reclined in his study, fully engrossed in a paperback novel titled Heavenly Hogs: A Vatican MC Romance, a steamy, faith-based take on outlaw biker culture.
According to sources inside the Apostolic Palace, the book was recommended to him by a well-meaning cardinal who thought the Pontiff might enjoy its themes of “forgiveness, brotherhood, and… throttle control.”
“The Holy Father enjoys literature from all walks of life,” Vatican spokesperson Father Lorenzo Cappelli said in a press briefing. “While some may find the book’s premise surprising, it is important to recognize that Pope Francis has always been open to exploring stories of redemption and complex moral dilemmas—even if those stories involve tattooed ex-priests turned biker outlaws on a mission from God.”
Despite the Vatican’s attempts at damage control, speculation has run rampant, with some devout readers already petitioning for an official Catholic blessing of the Heavenly Hogs series.
“I was going to confess my impure thoughts after reading Heavenly Hogs,” admitted devout reader Angela Romano. “But if the Pope is reading it, then clearly I am absolved.”
Meanwhile, the book’s author, Sister Mary Ignatius (who writes under the pen name Rebel Nun), has seen an unprecedented spike in sales, with Heavenly Hogs shooting to #1 in Amazon’s "Inspirational Yet Incredibly Inappropriate Fiction" category.
“This is a miracle,” Sister Ignatius told The Smut Report in an exclusive interview. “I always dreamed my work would reach the Vatican, but I thought it would be in the form of an excommunication notice.”
Despite his apparent interest in MC romance, Pope Francis remains dedicated to his spiritual duties. When asked if the Vatican would now be incorporating biker-related themes into official doctrine, the Pontiff simply chuckled and replied, “Perhaps a little mercy for the men of the road is in order.”
The Vatican has since declined further comment, but one unnamed cardinal was reportedly heard mumbling, "At least it's not Fifty Shades of Grace again."
Inspired? So was the Pope. Get your free MC romance now before the Vatican tries to ban it!
Click here to grab your copy of Hawk before the Holy See does!